I'd like to change the child custody/child support laws. I feel that while a lot of judges take into consideration the facts, they don't see the whole spectrum of what goes on at home. The judge who presided over my child custody case gave custody of my children to a substance abuser while I went to school, maintained a 3.67 gpa and got my life together. How is this fair??? It's all about money. Who has it and how much. And since I wasn't born with a silverspoon in my mouth, I was the one who lost custody.

How can I be an inspiration to others if I can't even be an inspiration to myself at the moment? I feel hopeless and drained. I can't believe I lost custody of my beautiful angels to a substance abuser. How is that even possible? I don't have a track record. I've never been a bad mother. Why is this happening? All I've tried to do was better my life for my children and I get the short end of the stick. He hides his money, he works under the table, there are no paper trails... hmmmmm... We've shared joint custody, suddenly he wants to get married and his fiance wants me out of the picture. So, he listens to her, nevermind the children... the children need both parents, not just him. She's not their biological mother. She can't love them the way I do. I could care less what he does with his life, but when it comes to my children's lives and they are affected negatively by this outcome then we have a problem.

I was able to travel the United States through work, which is something I've always wanted to do. Unfortunately, I became burned out and it didn't last long because every week I was getting on an airplane flying some where new and then there were those endless moments I spent waiting on a plane just to fly home! LOL.

I think we do both. I think that we incarnate to earth to learn the lessons we must learn. After our life is over we go back to Heaven and if our souls still need to grow we choose to reincarnate again and set up our own sacred contracts based on the lessons we feel we need to learn so as to become an enlightened soul and not have to come back here. I'm reading Caroline Myss book, "Sacred Contracts." Her book has realy inspired me to write about my own sacred contract during this life and that's what my book is all about.

Since I don't feel I've accomplished as much as I would have liked to, I'm more proud of my character. I make it a point to treat everyone with respect and to acknowledge their good points. Sometimes, I fail. Most of the time I don't. I was always taught to live my life ethically from my grandparents and to do unto others as you'd have done to you.

My children. I wish I would have had them in my life more. They are everything to me. They are so fascinating, so eager to learn. So full of life and magic. They see the universe as I never have. They see life as fresh and brand new. I've learned so much from them and they've really changed my life for the better. I'm so proud of them. Even if I can't be there for them right now. I'm so proud of how they've turned out. I just know they are going to make good decisions in the future. I just know they are going to achieve their dreams and their goals.

I would lie if it meant saving my children's lives. I would lie to protect them. I would sacrifice myself for their needs.

Here's a list of what and who I have forgiven:

I've forgiven friends that let me down even when I was always there for them.

I was locked out of my house and my friend wouldn't come to help me even though I answered a call from her at 3am and picked her up in Canada so she could get home.

I always listened to my best friend and when I had a problem she went into isolation for 3 months and wouldn't talk to me. And when she came back out of isolation she said it was up to me if I wanted to be friends again or not.

I forgave my mom for never being there for me. For making me take care of her at the age of 4 years old when she was abusing drugs and alcohol and almost died from two drug overdoses and I had to take care of the house and all of the chores rather than plan with friends on a daily basis.

I forgave my ex-husband for pulling the rug from under my feet and sneakily taking my kids from me.

I forgave my ex for lying to everyone in Genesee county.

I forgave my ex for trying to punish me because he didn't feel that I loved him.

I forgave my ex-mother-in-law for kidnapping the children for two weeks before the kids were in my ex-husbands care.

I forgave the police for not doing anything about the kidnapping because they were lifelong friends with my ex-husbands family.

I forgave my father for not being in my life.

I forgave my father for trying to put me in prison for 50 years because of a con that he was trying to pull and to get myself out I had to talk to authorities to protect my rights.

I forgive my father for being a con man.

I forgive my stepfather for ignoring my existance and wanting nothing to do with me because he's a hermit.

I forgive my mother for taking my ex-husband's side even though she admits he is wrong.

But, most importantly, I forgive myself.

Losing my children and having to start over. My ex wanting to force me out of their lives. Understanding that this is all a part of my sacred contract with myself and this is what i've chosen to learn in this life.

I wish for my life to improve in many areas: work, personal life, etc.,

My kids. I'm the happiest when I'm with them.

My ex-husband has tempted me the most with his lying and coniving ways. I've had to grit my teeth and bear it because there is nothing I can do about a corrupt county.

discipline.

My signature salad. I've eaten all sorts of cuisine, I like a lot of different foods from different cultures: Ethopian, Mexican, Indian, Japanese. But, I still like my salad the best!

I wish I knew. I'm at the crossroads in my life right now deciding on which path to take.

Love yourself. Love your children. If you choose to marry, make sure you know that it will work out. Make sure that the person you are getting involved with doesn't suddenly pull the rug out from under your feet.

Spend time with your kids. Let them know you care. Listen to them. Pay attention to them when they talk. Listen to their troubles and show empathy. Be honest with them. Let them know the consequences in life. Let them know that even when you aren't there that you are still thinking about them. I tell my children several times throughout the day that I love them when they are with me and even when I talk to them on the phone. I ask them how their week went, how their day went, what they do in school, what their activites are, who their friends are. I ask them what their interests are, what they want to be when they grow up. If they plan on going to college. I cook with them. I clean with them. I laugh with them. I cry with them. I smile with them. I grow with them.

I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my grandmother. I am grateful for the love that some of my family members have given me. I am grateful for the small things in life, they mean the most. I am grateful to my children for being born and for surviving. I am grateful for being precious to me.